| iv id="body"> | | | | perhaps the nervousness we feel with baby number |
| Let's be honest, none of us was prepared for | | | | one is part of this overall picture. Exposing family |
| parenthood. Parenting is by far the most complex and | | | | dynamics is often a helpful part of the process of |
| demanding job you'll ever take on, without advanced | | | | helping people to understand just where some of their |
| qualifications. So it's not surprising that so many of us | | | | anxieties originated, and how irrelevant they are today. |
| feel under-confident in the role. | | | | So how do we develop confidence in children? The |
| When I first became a father, a friend once asked me | | | | key is to provide opportunities for children to safely |
| what I most wanted for my new baby. Without | | | | achieve. There is a debate rumbling under the surface |
| thinking, I blurted out "confidence". It surprised me that | | | | of Western society regarding the teaching of |
| this was the first gift I thought of, but now I'm not at all | | | | competitive sports. Some commentators feel that it is |
| surprised. Because with confidence, not only is so | | | | essential to prepare children for a competitive life, |
| much possible, but we have the capacity to enjoy life. | | | | whilst others take a more nurturing view, arguing that |
| What I really want for my children is happiness. | | | | we should give all children the opportunity to become |
| Confidence is merely a means to an end. I also want | | | | successful in something. Like many debates, this one is |
| them to live good lives, in the sense of developing | | | | rarely exposed to public attention but continues by |
| integrity, honour, a sense of justice. | | | | innuendo and half-truths, so that it becomes a battle |
| The first few months of parenthood were a trial. I don't | | | | between two competing clans rather than a shared |
| think anything prepares us for the lack of sleep, the | | | | venture to discover some useful truths. |
| sheer energy required to keep up with the demands | | | | All children can achieve. I have run projects with |
| of this helpless little creature. I have three children now, | | | | children as young as 7 years who proved themselves |
| all different personalities, and one of the changes I | | | | capable of mastering the most sophisticated |
| observed was that we became much more relaxed | | | | professional audio recording equipment. I have worked |
| with babies two and three. We knew what we were | | | | with young teenagers who have not only composed |
| doing, we could anticipate the next steps, we just | | | | and recorded professional-sounding songs, but also |
| weren't as flummoxed as we had been with baby | | | | developed business plans which would shame many a |
| number one. And you know what? This was good for | | | | professional in the field. Children are not limited by their |
| our children. | | | | age - if anything, it is adults who become limited by the |
| It's also something I see in my hypnotherapy clients. If | | | | changes induced by time. Of course children don't |
| you've ever visited a therapist you may have been | | | | have the same depth of knowledge and experience |
| surprised to be asked about your siblings, and your | | | | that we possess, but this is a blessing as well as a |
| 'birth order' - where you fit in the sequence of children. | | | | disadvantage. |
| This is because group dynamics affect us all, and the | | | | So have the courage to let go a little, and sufficient |
| dynamics of the family leave a lasting impression - an | | | | confidence in yourself not to hold your kids back. |
| imprint, if we can call it that. A child's birth order really | | | | Confident parents bring up confident children, and that |
| does have an impact on how they will develop, and | | | | is a gift to the whole family. |